We are NOT playing..

We get asked all the time.. “What are your rules?”.  Our rules are pretty simple.  #1, we BOTH have fun or there is no fun.  #2, good communication, and #3, we DO NOT PLAY when we are feeling mad or disconnected from each other.  Sounds so simple but honestly #3 has bitten us in the butt a few times.  Still, I wouldnt change that rule for the world.  Jen and I need to feel that connection with each other FIRST and FOREMOST before we ever THINK about playing with other couples.

A while back we were intending on playing with a couple that honestly, the relationship had been rocky anyway.  There were times we would set up a date with them and then last minute they would cancel, and there were other times that we’d set up the date and we would end up cancelling.  It got to the point that is seemed like maybe we were all doing it out of spite (although from our perspective, we didnt intend that).  One of the last times we scheduled a date with this couple was a week that Jen and I were not getting along at all.  Playing with a couple that is not getting along is playing with drama.  its like pouring gasoline on a fire.  The couple is already hurt, and hurting each other, and then adding another couple that is showing your spouse sexual attention does not make the situation better.  SO, out of respect for good ‘ol number 3.. we cancelled.  The couple was hurt.. It had happened too many times.  I think we saw them one time after that.

From my experience, it was well worth it to cancel even with the loss of the relationship.  Had we even been best buddies with that couple it would have been the best call.  A married couple or a committed couple, needs to be on the same page with each other before they entertain other couples.  You need to go into the date knowing that you are good.  Your relationship with your partner is solid.  For me, #3 is one of the most important rules we have because it means that my relationship with Jen is rock solid and she is the most important part of this experience.  All couples have contentious moments, but in my opinion we need to resolve these moments before sharing and caring with others.

Jim

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