It was a smoky bar, not the kind that I generally like.  Jen and I had shown up and was getting our drinks and making our way around to various couples.  If I must reiterate it to you, I am an introvert.  I spend more time inside my mind thinking about what others think about me, than I do just generally enjoying the moment.  Soon, a very familiar couple approached us.  She is dark haired, tattoo’d, and petite.  She has a very quirky, nerdy, but attractive personality.  We’d texted a few times, and generally flirted that way but nothing had come from it the times before that we had met.  But this time, in the smoky bar full of vanillas and swirls, the prey I’d hunted had turned when I hadn’t expected.  She stood close and with her hand she touched my arm, and spoke to me.  It was something I wasn’t expecting and I shy’d away.  I was, nervous.   I fumbled for words.  Eventually, she retreated and never since had been so bold.

Many of you know that in addition to being a podcaster (, I am also a superfan geek of other podcasts.  Today, in my car, I was listening to Life on the Swingset Episode 159 and they were discussing flirting.  If you have never listened to this podcast, yeah that is doubtful, then you should know that every few weeks Cooper, Ginger, Techno, and Dillon speak to all things non-monogamy.  It’s a hilarious bit of sexiness, truth, and wit in an hours’ worth of education.

The episode today struck me very deep.  Flirtation is something that I often think about but have a very difficult time doing.  As in the case of the opening of this blog entry, I often fumble for the right thing to say.  Words are difficult for me.  I often worry about sounding stupid or boring.  I don’t know the current topics, or the cool things to say.  So, I very often come across sounding like an idiot.

One of the things that was mentioned in their podcast today was the issue of flirting with the same sex and this really had me thinking.  What IS flirting?  I know that I have found myself on the opposite end of flirting.   I have had women say things to me that made it very apparent that they wanted more of me.  They wanted to wag their symbolic tails so that I might take a whiff and follow.  But during the podcast I began thinking about flirtation and the same sex.

I am, as most of you know, a heterosexual guy.  I don’t have issue with bisexual or homosexual men, but it simply isn’t what I am.  But the traits of flirtation that were described in episode 159 of Life on the Swingset, are very similar to traits of conversation I use when talking to other men in the lifestyle.  The smile, the tease, the banter back and forth are all apparent in the way that I conduct myself when speaking with a new male or even the male of a couple that I have known for a long time.

I think, for me, that it boils down to the fact that I don’t necessarily use flirtation to get someone into bed with me but I use flirtation to make relationship connections with other human beings.   I find myself trying to relate with men that I either want to know on a friendship level or possibly because I hope to get to know their significant others much better.  In fact, often I find that I flirt with the men of a couple much more easily than their wives.

For me, flirtation is a way of opening yourself up for a relationship.  We often associate that flirtatious relationship to those of the opposite sex but the way that we attract those of the gender we are not sexually attracted to is not much different.  For example, when a heterosexual male meets another male they will often find similarities about their life they can relate to, or a joke, or the physical touch of a handshake.  It isn’t all that different from what takes place between those of an attractive sex.

I still try to flirt with the petite sexy woman that I opened this story with.  A few weeks ago I found that when I entered a party, she would kiss me on the lips.  Just a gentle peck, and it was very nice.  But since then she’s begun to shy from that.  I think her interest is waning as mine grows.  It’s a difficult situation. I speak to her husband often, but my hope is that someday I will feel comfortable enough in my skin to be “normal” around her.  I don’t think there is anything wrong with flirting with people of the same sex in a lifestyle where sex is the norm, but I certainly wish it was as easy for me to flirt with those that I would actually like to have sex with.   Any pointers… send them my way.. But remember I am a shy introvert.  J

Jim @

@hiddenswing on Twitter

Original Source

Add comment

Security code

Help Others