So this is sort of just a vent, but we just had our second of two attempts go south for the same reason: things went very awkward after the other couple started texting wildly about butt play. As in, with one couple, when texts started heating up they got transfixed on anal with my SO (but not their female, who was off limits!). With the other couple we were texting, the guy jumped into tonguing down my SO's bottom with no warning.
Both times I've been nice but basically say "we like that too but it brings up a lot of questions of sanitation that need to be discussed?". But things kind of trailed off quickly both times - ultimately my real reaction is "seriously, before we've met?" I guess I should just put it in our "rules", but I feel like that's a discussion for someone you're very comfortable with and has a high likelihood of being a turnoff. Would this turn off more experienced couples or have you learned to roll past talk that's out of your comfort zone?
Should also add that both couples were complete noobies. Maybe this is a vent about (fellow) noobies.