I've been dating my long distance boyfriend for 3 1/2 months. We met on a sex site, and sex is a very strong part of our relationship, and the attraction.
I messed up and told him about being a couple's girlfriend before, and about experiences I had with my husband when he was alive. Now, he wants to see me with another woman- which has progressed to a fantasy he mentioned the other night over skype about seeing me lick his cum out of her. That really hit a nerve with me, and I sent a skype message later on sweetly explaining that I felt that was OUR thing, and I might be able to handle licking her while he's in her, or guiding him into her, but I just didn't think I could handle seeing him cum inside someone else.
It's not just the safety issue, though that's a big one. It's that I want that to be OURS. Only skin to skin contact between us. It's the absolute trust that comes with it, the intimacy.
I would really rather he not be inside the other woman at all- but it seems he has his mind set on it. I don't particularly want the other man inside me. I also got a little upset at some of the profiles he was picking for me to check out. A lot of very skinny/ fit women- which I know that's my insecurity and I can work on it and work out, but I'd STILL be more comfortable with someone else that's closer to my body type. (I've shared pics on here, you see what I mean. I'm soft. Which he says he loves. But why all the hardbodies then?)
I'm also still not comfortable with the level of commitment. I was with my husband for ten years or so before we started anything, and the couple I was with had been married even longer than us, and m husband and I had had played, but not fully, with them before, and been friends for 15 years or so before I turned to them for comfortable, safe sex after my husband died.
I don't mind meeting couples for soft swap. I have no problems with him watching me with another woman, and him getting to touch and taste her, and both women giving both men the double oral experience. I just don't want PIV with anyone but our partners.
I also don't want him to think I'm unfairly limiting him, and get upset with me, or hold it against me- he never would say anything, but just...thinking about it, you know?
How do I tell him? -I need to be more secure in how he feels about me before moving to this step, since we started out as wild fwb. -I'm only comfortable with soft swap after he knows I've done full before.
Help, or talk some sense into me. I've done this before lots of times just fine. Why am I having an issue with it now? Is it because he's still so new and I just don't want to share yet? Or is it the insecurity in not quite knowing how he feels about me- even though I suspect he probably loves me.