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Five Lessons of a Lifestyle Vacation

by the Swinging Yogis

On our most recent trip to Desire RM, we were fortunate to spend time with a couple who had such an incredible energy, we wanted to know their secret. So much so, we asked them to write for us in the hope we can all learn a thing or two for our next Lifestyle vacation. If you have any questions for The Swinging Yogis, please email us and we’ll be happy to pass it on. Enjoy x Ellie & Al.




This was our fifth trip to Desire, Riveria Maya in five years.  My husband and I have been together for almost twenty years and have been married for twelve.  We have two beautiful children and a loving, sexually charged, amazing relationship.  We are truly best friends.  We say we are optionally in the lifestyle.  It’s an option.  It’s not a must have or must be for either of us.  Our experiences range from soft swap to full swap and run the gamet as far as never again to amazing.  We learn and grow with each experience.  Below are five lessons we learned from this fifth trip to Desire.  We hope you enjoy!


  1. For us, finding balance was key this trip.  With children at home, we rarely get quiet time to connect.  On our past trips, we enjoyed every second of the party life at Desire, but returned home physically, emotionally, and sexually depleted.  So this trip we did things a little different.  We started every morning with a great breakfast followed by a yoga practice and some meditation.  For us starting our day centered allowed us to be present, first and foremost, for each other and then again later for new and old friends, dancing, or just being goofy.  In addition, we spent some time in the afternoon on the beach beds reading or napping.  We enjoyed the wilder side of the pool and hot tub area, but did make it a priority to balance party and connection time.  Lastly, we realized we don’t have to shut down the disco or hot tub.  If we are tired at midnight, we turned in early.  We start our days early regardless of what time we turn in, so we found heading to bed a little earlier, kept us more balanced.  In the end, this trip we left tired in all the right ways, but not depleted.





2. If it’s not an absolute yes, it’s a no and you can stop at anytime.  There is always tomorrow or the next trip.  As a couple, we owe nothing to anyone except each other.  Our first couple of trips, we made some rookie mistakes.  The Desire atmosphere is exciting, charged, sexy, and fun.  We discovered we are slow movers.  We prefer to know and connect with couples before we play.  We prefer an organic movement to playtime versus the scheduled “after dinner.”  We prefer slower, erotic play to faster play.  One of our biggest recurring mistakes was thinking if we had dinner and hung out with new friends for a night or two or the week, we owed it to others to play even if our play styles weren’t compatible.  We never put ourselves in uncomfortable situations or “took one for the team,” but we weren’t always 100% invested, and in turn weren’t compatible.  In debriefing those situations later, we realized had we stopped and taken an honest assessment, we probably would of declined.  So this trip, we made that same mistake once.  Thank gosh it was early!  I think part of it was the excitement of the offer, being noticed and complimented, and just the idea of the fantasy of playing again after taking two years off. We felt like we were back in the game.  But after an  honest debrief of the session, we realized we both rushed into the situation.  I, for sure, wasn’t 100% invested, but I was 100% excited.  All in all,  we had a great time and definitely added some still shots to our mental images, but we didn’t make that mistake again, nor do I think we ever will in the future.  Organic works for us right now and leads to some amazing play sessions.  We plan to keep it that way.


3. We enjoyed a midweek to midweek schedule.  We loved rolling in on Wednesday and joining the party that started the Friday or Saturday prior to our arrival.  It was great to see everyone already in their comfort zone when we arrived, and it was a very easy adjustment for us to the atmosphere.  People were very welcoming.  At the same time, it was nice to say goodbye to some people and be the welcoming and comfortable ones when the new group came in on Friday and Saturday of the week we were there.  We had a great time witnessing the different vibes during the two weeks.  In comparison our arrival group was more laid back, more welcoming, and a little less clicky.  The beginning of the second week had equally as amazing people, but it was clear that a lot of groups came together and weren’t as interested in meeting new friends.  By no means was anyone unkind or exclusive, but we had to work a little harder to have conversations of any depth.  Prior to this trip, we spent three trips on the exact same week three years in a row.  There are definite benefits to returning during the same time, for example, reconnecting with friends, starting where maybe you left off last year, getting to know people a little more intimately, etc.  On the other hand, since our normal week didn’t fit into our schedule this year, meeting new friends, stepping out of our comfort zone, and trying a new balance was amazing.  We love our usual crowd at the end of June beginning of July, but the end of July and beginning of August proved to be as equally as exciting.  Lastly, we had amazing weather this trip.  We didn’t have one single day of rain.  That has never happened before, so we had a great midweek to midweek experience.  The universe was definitely on our side.




4. One drink to three waters was my saving grace in the summer heat.  I am not a big drinker regularly.  I enjoy a glass or two of wine a couple nights of week, but that’s usually my limit.  I discovered this trip the perfect 3:1 ratio.  That ratio allowed me to keep a small buzz if I wanted to, but also not peter out too early.  I could sustain from midday into the wee hours of the am if necessary.  On the same note, we recognized my husband’s pattern of endulging too much only on the first night.  Thank gosh, for the most part, his only downfall when he partakes too much is he becomes a chatty Kathy.  He has a very friendly demeanor all the time, but he gets permagrin with a couple extra drinks.  He just usually regrets the extra drink or two the next morning when it’s not quite as easy to pop out of bed and hit a yoga class or meditate.  Through talking with a lot of new friends, we learned that if someone who typically doesn’t drink much is going to over endulge, it usually happens the first night at Desire.  A great piece of advice was, “don’t judge anyone by the way he or she acts the first night on vacation!”


5. Call kids in the morning.  If you have children, call them first thing in the morning.  Say hello, catch up on their day and their news and then start your day.  Our children are 7 and 9 years old, so currently they are both very egocentric.  It’s perfect!   As soon as we get on the phone, they tell us all about their adventures.  At this point we can be very attentive and very present.  We ask specific questions and reiterate how much we love and miss them.  They ask about our trip half listening to our reply and half waiting to tell us something else. So, we share a story about dinner or paddleboarding or something vanilla and then turn the conversation back to them.  We use to call in the evening or before dinner, but then during those times we felt rushed or preoccupied or intoxicated.  So, this trip we found a call first thing in the morning was perfect for everyone.  One morning this trip my son did ask me to call one more time at night to say goodnight.  My husband gave me the don’t do it look, but I agreed.  I did keep my promise that night to my son, but it was a little bit of a buzz kill.  Nothing says not sexy like hearing your children complain!  That was the only day I called twice 🙂


So for us, there will be a 6th time at Desire.  There will be more fun, more sexy talk, more play time, more mistakes, and more time to learn.  We will have the memories and still frames in our minds before we get there and we will get to take our new learning with us.  Best of all we will get to use what we have learned in greater communication and learning more about each other’s “spicy” side!


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