Matt and Bianca
I’ve seen a lot of discussions on the internet and talked with a lot of people who ask the question, how do you meet other couples?
Well other than the obvious, join a website, there are many different ways. All of these may work for you, you may have ideas I didn’t come up with or maybe you can take one of these ideas and run with it. Whatever you do, first thing is you need to talk with your spouse and decide which route is best for the two of you. Nothing will work if you aren’t both on the same side of the bed. If you know me at all you will know that my biggest and best piece of advice is to be open and have very honest communication.
So, where are you in your lifestyle adventure? Just starting out, moving to a new area and don’t really know where to start, or been in it a while and just wanting to spice things up a bit and meet some new people. Either way there are many different ways to meet couples you click with.
First off you really should have an account on one of the “dating” websites out there like, OK Swing, SLS or Kasidie. Make sure you put photos on your profile, and not just T & A. I understand a lot of people want to blur out their face for privacy until they get to know someone but have some flattering photos of the two of you together having fun. Keep your photos up to date and try to add new ones fairly often if you can. Be honest in your profile description. What are you looking for, what are your kinks, how open-minded are you? The more open and honest you are the easier it will be in finding a couple you want to get to know. Also, put your personality into the profile, remember this is a way for you to get yourself out there and most times it is the first impression you will have on others so make sure you really think (and EDIT, spellcheck is there for a reason) about your profile and take your time on it.
If you meet someone, be it on one of the above websites or some other creative way, and you decide to go on a date may I suggest you plan on something breezy and easy. You can do that by dressing nicely, booking a good venue, purchasing some good gifts, and wearing the right perfume (probably from True Pheromones). Maybe meet in a bar for drinks then if you click and decide to stay for dinner but skip dessert all the better. But I do feel it is best to go into every event, date, whatever, with an open mind and no expectations other than to enjoy the company of others. If it turns into something more, well that is the bonus! That said, always be prepared just in case! When Matt & I started out we decided we would only feel comfortable at large parties or clubs. We didn’t like the idea of “dating” couples because we weren’t sure how it worked. Do you plan on renting a hotel room, or do you bring them back to your house, is that a risk, what if, what if, what if? So many questions we didn’t know the answer to and didn’t know what we wanted. What if you go out with them and you don’t click? Then you have to deal with the awkwardness of ending the date without a goodnight kiss or more. As we have evolved in the lifestyle we have discussed what we are comfortable with and what we like or didn’t like about every situation we have been in. We learn from every single encounter. Like always, you have to know what the two of you want and be honest with the other couple. You can go have drinks and decide later that you want to make it dinner and more the next time you go out. Every couple is different so as long as you remain honest with everyone involved it should go without a hitch!
Small parties. I feel like a small party would be about 10 people. I was afraid of small parties for a long time (believe it or not I can be kind of shy until I get comfortable in a situation) mainly because if you don’t click with someone then what? Are you the last couple standing and all alone? Will it look weird if you just start playing with your spouse, will they all be ok with that? We hadn’t really been in an orgy (although we really wanted to join in one if the situation was right) but an orgy with virtual strangers, would we be ok with that? Recently we have dipped our toes into the small party waters and have to say that we have had a blast. We are comfortable now and know what we want. Advice for going to a smaller party? Know what you are getting into. Look at the guest list, check out the profiles of the other attendees and see if you would be interested in any others at the party. Talk to your SO and make sure you both feel comfortable with the situation. Discuss everything that may come up. Would you be ok if one of you ended up in a different room? Would you be interested in an orgy? How will you handle someone you are not interested in gracefully? The more you talk it out the more comfortable you will feel.
Large parties are a blast! In the beginning of our journey we only went to larger parties. I think it is easier when you are starting out to blend in, hang back and see what will happen. Also you meet a variety of people at large parties. More to choose from and you can learn a lot from other couples as well! I love to meet new people so going to large parties are fun because you get to meet so many different people. I love hearing other couple’s stories of how they got into swinging and where they vacation and any other interesting stories they may have. The only negative to a large party is it can be loud and distracting with so much going on. A lot of alcohol and loud music can hinder the getting to know you situation. Again, I go into a large party the same way I look at everything else. Play or not, just have fun. I think it is important to circulate and talk to as many people as you can. Try not be a wallflower and be shy. Just because you go up to someone doesn’t mean you have to have sex. You can still have a great conversation.
We have been to several swinger clubs and have had varying experiences. We have never had a bad time at a swinger club. When you go into a swinger club, go in and leave the shyness outside. Talk to everyone, smile a lot, wink and flirt, dance the night away and have a good time. The club atmosphere can make it hard to find people to play with because it is loud and crowded. It’s hard to get a conversation going in this kind of environment. Some of the clubs we have been to have open-minded but still vanilla people at them. They want to get crazy and take of their top but they aren’t into swinging. I have to say swinger clubs have an amazingly sexually charged environment. How could you not be turned on with so much sex in the air? I love it!
Meeting people is all about attitude. Feeling confident and friendly will go a long way. Don’t always expect people to just come up to you all the time, you may be really disappointed if you do. Remember that cute couple you and your spouse have been staring at could be just as shy as you are. It doesn’t hurt to go up, say hi, introduce yourself and see where that takes you!
XOXO
Bianca
